A Touch Of Romance
I have been dating this great guy for about two months now, but I’ve noticed that he never seems able to come over to my place or even go out on dates with me. The only way we are able to see each other is if I go see him where he works. I’m beginning to think he’s actually married. What should I do?
Suspicious in South Carolina
Your new boyfriend’s behavior is suspicious, indeed. The first thing you should do is ask him why he never wants to come to your place or even take you out on dates, since that is an important part of actually dating/having a boyfriend. If he tells you he’s just too busy to come to your place or take you out on dates, or if he tells you he’s just too tired after working all day, then you need to seriously reconsider your relationship with this man, because it sounds like he’s selfish and is interested in only one thing—sex. While sex is an important part of any romantic relationship, it shouldn’t be the ONLY thing that holds the relationship together. Giving you excuses as to why he can’t or won’t come to your place or take you out on dates also means the relationship is one-sided, which also isn’t a good thing. It means he doesn’t get the chance to see how you live, and he doesn’t get the opportunity to learn what you like/dislike when it comes to things such as food preferences or your taste in movies. If you have this discussion with him and ask him these questions, only to be met with more excuses, then you need to do some serious soul-searching and ask yourself if he’s really worth your time when you obviously aren’t worth his.
A Touch Of Romance, I think my boyfriend is cheating on me, but not in the “regular” way. Recently I’ve noticed that he spends the majority of his time online, and whenever I approach, he quickly exits out of whatever screen he was looking at. I’ve also noticed that whenever he goes outside to take a walk, I will see him walking around and talking on the phone. His secretive behavior is making me wonder just what he’s up to, as well as what I can do about it. Is “cybersex”, or simply talking in a suggestive way to other women online, considered cheating?Sincerely,Disgusted in Detroit
Dear Disgusted, It seems your boyfriend’s suspicious behavior warrants a serious talk. Come right out and ask him if he is talking to anyone else online. If he gets defensive or angry, that’s a tell-tale sign that he probably is. Also, if he is quick to say “no,” but continues to engage in the same secretive, suspicious behavior, that’s another clue that things aren’t quite right. In answer to your question regarding cybersex and talking suggestively to other women online, yes, that IS a form of cheating. Even though there has been no actual physical contact, he has broken the bond of trust and confidence in your relationship, and that is major damage that is often hard to repair. Before you start sneaking around and trying to figure out his password for his email and social media accounts, ask yourself if he’s still worthy of your time and attention, considering the fact that he finds it more satisfying to talk to virtual strangers than to confide in you, his live-in partner. If you feel that he’s worth sticking around for, then you MUST get to the bottom of this issue, no matter how painful it is. Only after the two of you have had a serious discussion about this matter can you begin to work at rebuilding the trust and intimacy you once shared.
Dear Touch Of Romance,
Help! My mother is literally ruining my life, right down to my marriage! I recently gave birth to our first child, a son, and she has been nothing but downright nasty and spiteful. She talks badly about my husband, and no matter what I do regarding my son, according to her, I’m not taking care of him the “right” way. She has been this way for as long as I can remember, and she has sabotaged many relationships that I’ve been involved in. Is there anything I can say or do to make this situation better?
Frustrated In Fort Lauderdale
I can understand your frustration, and the only advice I can offer is this: try to have a serious discussion with your mother and make her see that her actions are damaging her relationship with you. If that doesn’t work, the only other advice I can offer is to move as far away as possible from her and her meddling ways. If you don’t take a stand now, things will only get worse. I wish you nothing but the best as you tackle this situation.
Dear Touch Of Romance,
I really need your advice, as I have told absolutely no one else about my current dilemma. I recently began talking to a man online, and after I’d fallen hard for him, I discovered that he is actually in prison. He received a life sentence for rape and murder, but from talking to him, I would’ve never suspected anything like that! However, because of the crowding situation that is present in all prisons, he is actually up for parole next week (due to good behavior), and if he gets out, he is seriously planning to come live with me! I thought he was a good guy, until I found out he’s in prison! Please tell me what I should do, as I have already told him where I live!
Terrified in Tucson
I can understand why you’re feeling on edge these days. One of the most important things to remember is to NEVER give out your personal info to anyone online, no matter how sweet and sincere they seem to be. However, since that’s a moot point in your current situation, I can offer these suggestions. Contact him and let him know you’re moving. It doesn’t matter if you actually aren’t moving, just as it doesn’t matter what bogus reasons you give for the move. Just make him think that you’ll no longer be residing at the address he has for you. Don’t give him your new address or your phone number. If for some reason he manages to get out and he does track you down, file a restraining order against him. If he violates the terms of the restraining order, call the police and have him arrested. Getting out of prison on parole carries certain stipulations and responsibilities that he must abide by, or he runs the risk of being returned to prison. If things do get so bad that you actually fear for your life, then maybe a real move is in order. I sincerely hope things don’t come to that point for you. I wish you nothing but the best.