A Touch Of Romance
I have been dating this great
guy for about two months now, but I’ve noticed that he never seems able to come
over to my place or even go out on dates with me. The only way we are
able to see each other is if I go see him where he works. I’m beginning
to think he’s actually married. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Suspicious in South Carolina
Dear Suspicious,
Your new boyfriend’s behavior
is suspicious, indeed. The first thing you should do is ask him why he
never wants to come to your place or even take you out on dates, since that is
an important part of actually dating/having a boyfriend. If he tells you
he’s just too busy to come to your place or take you out on dates, or if he
tells you he’s just too tired after working all day, then you need to seriously
reconsider your relationship with this man, because it sounds like he’s selfish
and is interested in only one thing—sex. While sex is an important part
of any romantic relationship, it shouldn’t be the ONLY thing that holds the
relationship together. Giving you excuses as to why he can’t or won’t
come to your place or take you out on dates also means the relationship is
one-sided, which also isn’t a good thing. It means he doesn’t get the
chance to see how you live, and he doesn’t get the opportunity to learn what
you like/dislike when it comes to things such as food preferences or your taste
in movies. If you have this discussion with him and ask him these
questions, only to be met with more excuses, then you need to do some serious
soul-searching and ask yourself if he’s really worth your time when you
obviously aren’t worth his.
A Touch Of Romance, I think my boyfriend is cheating on me, but not in the “regular” way. Recently I’ve noticed that he spends the majority of his time online, and whenever I approach, he quickly exits out of whatever screen he was looking at. I’ve also noticed that whenever he goes outside to take a walk, I will see him walking around and talking on the phone. His secretive behavior is making me wonder just what he’s up to, as well as what I can do about it. Is “cybersex”, or simply talking in a suggestive way to other women online, considered cheating?Sincerely,Disgusted in Detroit
Dear Disgusted, It seems your
boyfriend’s suspicious behavior warrants a serious talk. Come right out
and ask him if he is talking to anyone else online. If he gets defensive
or angry, that’s a tell-tale sign that he probably is. Also, if he is
quick to say “no,” but continues to engage in the same secretive, suspicious
behavior, that’s another clue that things aren’t quite right. In answer
to your question regarding cybersex and talking suggestively to other women
online, yes, that IS a form of cheating. Even though there has been no
actual physical contact, he has broken the bond of trust and confidence in your
relationship, and that is major damage that is often hard to repair.
Before you start sneaking around and trying to figure out his password for his
email and social media accounts, ask yourself if he’s still worthy of your time
and attention, considering the fact that he finds it more satisfying to talk to
virtual strangers than to confide in you, his live-in partner. If you
feel that he’s worth sticking around for, then you MUST get to the bottom of
this issue, no matter how painful it is. Only after the two of you have
had a serious discussion about this matter can you begin to work at rebuilding
the trust and intimacy you once shared.
Dear Touch Of Romance,
Help!
My mother is literally ruining my life, right down to my marriage! I
recently gave birth to our first child, a son, and she has been nothing but
downright nasty and spiteful. She talks badly about my husband, and no
matter what I do regarding my son, according to her, I’m not taking care of him
the “right” way. She has been this way for as long as I can remember, and
she has sabotaged many relationships that I’ve been involved in. Is there
anything I can say or do to make this situation better?
Sincerely,
Frustrated In Fort Lauderdale
Dear Frustrated,
I can
understand your frustration, and the only advice I can offer is this: try
to have a serious discussion with your mother and make her see that her actions
are damaging her relationship with you. If that doesn’t work, the only
other advice I can offer is to move as far away as possible from her and her
meddling ways. If you don’t take a stand now, things will only get
worse. I wish you nothing but the best as you tackle this situation.
Dear Touch Of Romance,
I really
need your advice, as I have told absolutely no one else about my current
dilemma. I recently began talking to a man online, and after I’d fallen
hard for him, I discovered that he is actually in prison. He received a
life sentence for rape and murder, but from talking to him, I would’ve never
suspected anything like that! However, because of the crowding situation
that is present in all prisons, he is actually up for parole next week (due to
good behavior), and if he gets out, he is seriously planning to come live with
me! I thought he was a good guy, until I found out he’s in prison!
Please tell me what I should do, as I have already told him where I live!
Sincerely,
Terrified in Tucson
Dear Terrified,
I can
understand why you’re feeling on edge these days. One of the most
important things to remember is to NEVER give out your personal info to anyone
online, no matter how sweet and sincere they seem to be. However, since
that’s a moot point in your current situation, I can offer these
suggestions. Contact him and let him know you’re moving. It doesn’t
matter if you actually aren’t moving, just as it doesn’t matter what bogus
reasons you give for the move. Just make him think that you’ll no longer be
residing at the address he has for you. Don’t give him your new address
or your phone number. If for some reason he manages to get out and he
does track you down, file a restraining order against him. If he violates
the terms of the restraining order, call the police and have him
arrested. Getting out of prison on parole carries certain stipulations
and responsibilities that he must abide by, or he runs the risk of being
returned to prison. If things do get so bad that you actually fear for
your life, then maybe a real move is in order. I sincerely hope things
don’t come to that point for you. I wish you nothing but the best.